Sameness

After a couch nap and nine hours of solid sleep, waking up naturally, I am excited about a day without work and going on an adventure.  Breaking from my sameness routine, I’m going to a new area to do errands, take my dog for a walk and take photos.   Then we are going out to dinner at a new place.  Sometimes a little shake-up from routine can mean the world.  Of course I am just planning this now and who knows how it will turn out.  It’s still cold and windy and there’s a lot to do on the home front this weekend.  I was mindful yesterday of being on time and present at work, so that made that better.  Structure and routine can be good, but if that’s all there is to one’s life, not leaving room for spontaneity or creativity, it really does dampen the soul.

More Snow

I had deluded myself to thinking that the cold and snow were a thing of the past, but not so. Yesterday I heard that someone I work with and care about a great deal was ‘let go’ in a barbaric fashion. It brought up this whole feeling of everyone is disposable and who to trust. I live in a naive little world, so I get badly shaken when the world doesn’t fit into my vision. Speaking of vision, I have been letting my photography effect my job. I’ve barely made it there on time lately and care more about my craft than my job. It’s nice to feel that way, in a way, but in these times one needs to be overly dedicated apparently to keep one’s job. Oh money woes, bad news every day – no wonder I’m happier naive and being creative.

Obstacles

Today a lunch meeting, tomorrow a lunch date.  How to take photos without time?  I’ll have to try to fit it in this morning & next before work.  Trying to ignore the forecast of snow again, now that most of it has melted. From my understanding, the new stimulus package would help me immeasurably – if I hadn’t been paying my bills, but since I have, it won’t.  This is a random post, but the other thing on my mind is my joy of leaving work and finding that it was not totally dark yet yesterday.  I started my knitting project last night and it felt good.  I hadn’t knit for nearly a year.

Feeling a bit better

My negativity was driving me nuts. I spent time with friends, watched a movie, took lots of photos, spent some time outside (without freezing), did some crocheting, made a decent dinner & feeling like life isn’t quite as bad. Today it will be warmer & I’m wrestling with going to my faith community vs. staying home and doing some of the many things that need to be done.

Banks & Wall Street

It’s been a week of news of the misuse of bail out funds, while two of said banks have tried to screw me over for no sensible reason. That, causing financial stress, coupled with the vague to be determined work stress, in the context of the winter that just doesn’t seem to want to end is getting to me so badly. Need to find some solutions, answers and warmth.

Vague

The meeting yesterday was full of vagueness and bs and work to do and time to wait before anything is clear.  I don’t know why people can’t just be upfront and clear when they want something.  Frigid weather, but I discovered another new place to photograph in my 10 minutes of free time yesterday.

Work & Weather

Trying to stop thinking about work and weather this morning. Ice scraping sounds and many long meetings coming up. Worried about still finding time to squeeze in ‘seeing’ when the insane busyness begins again. Feeling very protective of my time and the now known needs for relaxation, refreshment and creativity every day.

Morning Thoughts

This morning I am thinking about separateness and what to do on this unusually warm day. It’s all too easy to feel separate from other people or society, but yesterday I was told that I was separating myself from my self. When I have a pain or I hurt, I call it it and me me, as if the pain were a separate entity. If I claim a pain as me and say I hurt, instead of it hurts, well, I’ll see what happens next time.
Meanwhile, it’s going to be in the 60s today, in New England close to years end and my last day off, so I want to be out enjoying the weather, but as usual I can’t decide where to go.

Calm

Trying to remain calm, in the midst of so much to do at home and at work, while trying to be detached (sure!) from my far away daughter’s issues. I did start my photo blog & trying not to worry about the anti-natural light photography weather in the forecast. Trying, trying, but really tired.