More Snow

I had deluded myself to thinking that the cold and snow were a thing of the past, but not so. Yesterday I heard that someone I work with and care about a great deal was ‘let go’ in a barbaric fashion. It brought up this whole feeling of everyone is disposable and who to trust. I live in a naive little world, so I get badly shaken when the world doesn’t fit into my vision. Speaking of vision, I have been letting my photography effect my job. I’ve barely made it there on time lately and care more about my craft than my job. It’s nice to feel that way, in a way, but in these times one needs to be overly dedicated apparently to keep one’s job. Oh money woes, bad news every day – no wonder I’m happier naive and being creative.

Banks & Wall Street

It’s been a week of news of the misuse of bail out funds, while two of said banks have tried to screw me over for no sensible reason. That, causing financial stress, coupled with the vague to be determined work stress, in the context of the winter that just doesn’t seem to want to end is getting to me so badly. Need to find some solutions, answers and warmth.

Snow Covered Blues

It just keeps snowing and I just keep hearing bad news. My bills are all going up, my salary is not. It seems like there is this all over weird mood going on at work and in general. Trying, but failing, to not have all this stuff just get to me. Reading magazines about following dreams, extreme self care, paying attention and bleh to that too. Need to snap out of this or at least not let it all get to me so much.

Happy / Sad

When my daughters were in first grade, they had meetings daily in school where they each were supposed to say “I am happy today because…” &/or “I am sad today because…”. So today, I am happy because of the new administration and because of how much I am enjoying my photography. So today I am sad because work just drains me and I am so sick of all the problems being a landlady and how that effects my day and money.

New Year – Old Ideas

I decided to not go out last night. The weather was abysmal, so I watched a 1938 Frank Capra movie. I was amazed at the ideas in this film, from over 70 years ago, that fill the self help, new age shelves of any current book store. There was a scene where Jean Arthur talked about how her grandfather felt that everyone was living such fear based lives and then Jimmy Stewart said that he wanted to harness the power of the sun for energy to replace coal and oil. Basically, it was showing the difference between people driven by money and power versus those who followed their bliss. The power of creativity, friendship and community over Wall St.

Ice, Baking, & Landlord

After over a foot of snow and a flash freeze last night, I’m not looking forward to going out there in the frozen tundra. I did a ton of baking yesterday and I’m pleased with the results. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I found out that the problems downstairs are not resolved. There’s a plumbing leak and the disaster relief people are rebutting my dispute of their ridiculous charges. So – feeling that financial ruin feeling again. It would have been a good day for a snow day, but it’s not.

Bail Out

Spent the morning fretting about whether or not I should offer my daughter a bail out, so she can fly home for Christmas. On the one hand, it was her decision to move so far away to make more money than I do and on the other hand, she’ll be lonely on Christmas and I don’t want that either. Mothering is tough some time – tough love or spending money I shouldn’t for love.